Ponder
by Koki-chan
Summary: [DEATHLY HALLOW SPOILERS!]Not much to say, written for a contest on another site: HarryGinny
1. Kiss

**This takes place during Harry's last few days at the Burrow, I suppose. I'm expanding a bit more This is part 1 of 4 parts.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing **

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When she kissed him his entire mind went blank. He had suddenly become blind and deaf to anything that was not her face, that was not her hair and that was not the sound of her voice saying his name. It was if he had just opened a treasure chest and found a mountain of gold. No, this was better. It was like pelting that annoying git Filch with so many dungbombs that he crashed headlong into several suits of armour. His heart soared when ever she touched him, the word 'pleased' did not even begin to describe this feeling, even overjoyed was not a strong enough word. He would hold her close, whisper in her ear and breath in the lovely scent of her hair. Nothing could ever compare to that scent, not daises, not lilacs, not anything. She understood him, she accepted him she, she loved him. He had the world in his arms.

It had all ended much too soon. His relationship, that kiss. He could not bear to put the girl in danger, he would not be able to live with himself if another person he loved so fiercely was put in danger because of him. She didn't care, she dared Voldemort to try and come get her. She was not afraid, she could take care of herself. He had almost cracked when she said that, he could love no other girl after he had met Ginny Weasley. But, no, he had to put his selfish desires behind him, he had to keep Ginny safe.

Whenever he saw her his heart would lodge itself in his throat. His lips ached for hers, his arms missed the shape of her body, his ears begged to hear his name tumble from her lips. But, she would pass by him without so much as a glance. She could hurt him in a way no Death Eater could, not even Barty Crouch Jr. could replicate the pain she had caused him.

He had a mission, he knew he must finish Dumbledore's work. It was now his duty to track down the horcruxes, to find them and destroy them. He knew he could not allow this to bother him, he had to stay focused on his goal. He had to destroy every piece of Voldemort's soul before he attacked the body. His journey was a perilous one he himself did not know how he would survive. It was a journey he would undertake with Ron and Hermione. He was now not only entrusted with his own life, he must also keep the lives of his two dearest friends safe as well. He needed to stay focused, he could not let his mind wander. There was no room for the red-headed spit-fire, not now.

No matter how hard he tried, whenever he caught glimpse of that trailing red hair, whenever he caught a whiff of that heavenly scent of flowers he found it hard to concentrate. The scent suffocated him and yet, he always wanted more. How could one girl cause him so much trouble? He tried to stay away from her but, it was inevitable. He would pass her in the halls of the Burrow, he would see her at the dinner table or outside the window. He wanted her so bad, he couldn't stand it.

Setting the table before dinner was the first time they had been alone together in such a long while. All those feelings for her came flooding back to him, he was sure she felt the same way. Thank god for the next interruption. He did not know if he could have contained himself at that moment

It was on his birthday that he found himself alone with her again. She had invited him into her room, it was the first time he had ever been in there. Their conversation was forced and awkward. Ginny spoke of the journeys ahead of him, her face was hard, her eyes were dry. That was just another thing he loved about her, she was never weepy. She wanted to give him his birthday present, something to remember her by.

And then, she kissed him. It was nothing like the other times he had kissed her, it was so different. He refused to let this moment pass and he kissed her back. At that moment, there was nothing in the world but the two of them. Nothing could compare to this, no words could even begin to describe this feeling. It was better than anything he had ever received, it might have even been better than when Hagrid had given him Hedwig.

He could have killed Ron, the bloke had such rotten timing. Ron's entrance had not only ruined the moment, but Ron had also brought in all of the reasons that told Harry that he needed to stay away from Ginny. He sought out her face but saw only her back. His sweet, strong Ginny, was she crying? He hardly heard Ron as he yelled at him, his thoughts were on Ginny. He could not see a future for them, not matter how hard he tried he could only see Voldemort.

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**So, what did ya think? It was my first Harry Potter fanficiton and the first thing I've written in a while. Part 2 is already written and will be up soon **


	2. Reflect

**My next chapter Not as good, but I kinda like it**

_Disclaimer: Neine_

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Ginny did not seek out another private coversation with Harry after Ron and Hermione had walked in on the two of them. Harry really could not blame her, he could not promise her a thing. He hated to see her look so blue, her eyes downcast. She had never been a perky girl, but he had never seen her cry the way she did when she had slipped out of the room after the inturruption. He would have given all of his gold in Gringotts to have been able to run after her, to wrap his arms around her and dry her tears. But, alas, that would have only complicated the situation, Ron was already baring his fangs. 

He did not kiss her to get her hopes up, why couldn't Ron understand that? If Ron had been listening in with a pair of Fred and George's extendable ears he would have known that. Though, he doubted that it would have made much of a difference. Harry knew better than anyone what awaited him, he knew that a future with Ginny could be totally non-existant. The only thing that he knew for sure was that Voldemort awaited him at every turn. Harry would not be surprised to see the whites of slitted red eyes if he gazed into a Foe-Glass.

He gave an exsparated sigh as he raked his hands through unruly black hair. He had handled armies of Death Eaters and a sea of Inferius and yet he could not even handle his own emotions toward a red-headed girl. A loving air had been floating about now that Bill and Fleur's wedding was approaching. Harry found it suffocating. He waved his hand slightly through the air, hoping to wave away the stagnant air.

Why did things have to be this way, he pondered, pushing his hair from his forehead as he traced the lightning bolt with his finger, his souviner from the night his parents, Lily and James Potter had been killed. He should be dead as well, but he had lived, nearly killing Voldemort in the process. Now it was his duty to find the horcruxes and do away with the Dark Lord. One moment had defined his fate, just a single moment in time. Would he change it if he could?

If he had died that night, he would not be having this problem. He would not be in hiding, he would not be wanted by the ministry and he would not have to face Voldemort. Where he would be had he died, he did not know. Would he have gone to be with his parents, whom had died moments before he would have or would he have just floated on in nothingness? That fear of the unknown was what had driven Voldemort to create the horcruxes.

What if Voldemort had not come after him? What if Peter Pettigrew had kept his promise to keep the Potters safe? Would Voldemort have been defeated? Would Harry have been able to attend Hogwarts? Would he have made friends with the same people, bonded with those that he had?

He raaked his hands through his hair again. Would he really have wanted to live in a world where he was without Ron or Hermione? If he had never met the Weasley family, the boys in his dorm room, if he had never met Ginny. His back straightened at the thought. If he had not met Ginny, he would not feel this ache in his heart, this tingle on his lips. He touched them lightly as he mulled it over. Would he have chosen a fate like that? He would not feel this pain, he would not feel so hesitant about leaving the girl to venture into parts unknown. But, he also would have never had those secret moments in the far corners of Hogwarts, never breathed in that flowery scent or laid hands on long red hair.

No. There was no way he would want to take that back. He loathed this ache in his heart, but he could never sacrifice the memories he held in them. He would accept the hand that fate dealt him and make the most of it. He would destroy the horcruxes, he would defeat Voldemort , and he would keep his friends safe. He would see Ginny in that white dress, but no stranger would be beside her.

That's right, he thought with a groan, get my hopes up.

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**The next one will come soon **


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